American Idolized

So I admit by posting this that I watch and generally love American Idol. I have watched since season one and found during season eight that the music and singing soothed my colic ridden infant. So, while she was inconsolable between the hours of 11 pm-1:30 am, I watched the recorded version of AI. She since has enjoyed last season and now I had to re-watch each episode during a time she was awake. I also admit, she watched me pathetically cry happy cries when I heard some of the songs and when I watched the hometown visits. She always asked me if I was happy and why I was crying.

This weekend, while it was pooring cats and dogs she asked if she could watch American Idol. I told her it was over but she could watch a recording and she jumped up and down and ran to get her own microphone. I was cooking food for a party we were having so I could hear her singing and saw her flying through the living room while there was singing. A commercial came on and she ran into the kitchen and said "Mom(emphatically), I want Lauren." It was at that moment I questioned my parenting skills. Should I be raising a child that at 2 1/2 knows the contenstants names? Is this ok? So I laughed it off and fast-forwarded through the commercials to appease her.

A few minutes later, she was in the center of the living room dancing and singing to Beyonce's song 'All the single ladies'. I think she walked around until this morning singing "Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh". She knows that part and "if you like it, you should have put a ring on it". She won't stop singing it. I think now I'm not the only one questioning my parenting skills. It only leads me to ask her if she thinks she can be the next American Idol. Her answer is yes. We shall see what happens next season.

Journey across bridges

I thought this photo is poignant to many peoples' lives but it speaks to me because it is beautiful and clearly shows we will have to cross bridges whether we're ready or not. In my life, it seems there is always another bridge waiting around the corner. I often say, "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it", but the bridges become more frequent. This photo represents important decisions that must be made that don't just affect me,but impact my daughter as well. I can no longer just ignore or delay big decisions as I could in years past.

I like that the bridge is lined with a bright, happy color, like the yellow brick road was. It signifies that there are potentially easier times ahead once you cross it, and it tell me not to fear the unknown. With an ever-inquisitive youngster at my feet, I have to remember demonstrate to her that we will always power on and fearlessly cross into the uknown. I have a smart one on my hands and I wasn't prepared for all of the questions and what I consider as deep thinking or insight from a toddler, but she is consistently my bright spot and tells me "It is ok, Mom. It's going to be ok". I don't even know what prompts her to say that as I generally don't show her my fear, anxiety or even sadness when I feel it. I think she just senses it sometimes. I surmise that this picture speaks loudly to me as it unveils a secret path for my daughter and I to journey together on.

http://thefuturebuzz.com/2009/03/09/inspirational-images/

About this blog

I used to be one of those people who observed other mom's and would say "I'll never yell at my kids like that" or "I'll never let my kids do that." Funny how things change when you have your own.

I thought blogging about the adventures of being a single mother (of advanced age) as the doctors put it, and full-time student would be a great way to share the tremendous laughter and the small hardships I get to be participate in. Khaos - the original Greek word for what we call Chaos, means gaping void as well as complete disorder and utter confusion. I can completely relate to this as a state of mind. I have lost control and order of my house and now a 2 year old rules my life. I'm pretty sure my 'pregnancy brain' never went away as I can't remember anything. If it wasn't for my Iphone calendar and notes to remind me I don't know what I'd do. Too bad my daughter also knows how to use my phone and mysteriously deletes things.

My hope is people can laugh and cry right along with me through the stories because I know I'm not alone and I would love to feel connected again to adults.

My daughter inspires me to soldier on as equally as she drives me crazy and wears on my last nerve. Often, I bite my tounge to keep from yelling like a crazy person. I know many people are in the same proverbial 'boat' as we are but sometimes it is important to let it out and share the joy, tears, and all the lessons learned. I credit my daughter for breathing new life into me and helping me see what is truly important. Our journey together has been fanstastic so far, now if I could just get her to poop on the potty.